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Rob Kelley's Secret (and Sarcastic) Santa Gifts for NBA Players | December
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With Christmas less than one day away, I thought it would be nice to give out some gifts. Now, keep in mind that these are special gifts, and they are being handed out to some people who don't really deserve them. You know, like that co-worker you all agree to buy something for, thinking they will give you something in return, only to hand them their gift and receive nothing back. That really irks me, because like Sheldon Cooper says on The Big Bang Theory, you have entered into a social contract. Anyway, now that I've gotten all of that off of my chest, here are some gifts that I would like to leave some NBA players, keeping in mind that I tend to lean toward sarcasm quite often.


 
Russell Westbrook – The All-Star spot that he has deserved for a couple of seasons now.

 

Kevin Durant – Many more accolades to go along with his league scoring trophy from last season. Most notably, an MVP and NBA title. No pressure, though.

Gilbert Arenas – This made more sense before the big trade, but I thought the Wizards could have switched their team name back to the Bullets so that his little dance routines could better fit in with the team. I have no suggestions for the Magic.

Carmelo Anthony – A trade to the tri-state area to cure his homesickness. Whatever gets him out of the Western Conference would suffice.

Chris Bosh – An official release from his duties of carrying around all of LeBron James’ and Dwyane Wade’s bags on their road trips. You’re better than that, Chris.

Kevin Garnett & Joakim Noah – Couples counseling. Can’t they all just get along?

Chris Paul – A new “strategy” to force a trade out of New Orleans. His last one didn’t seem to work.

LeBron James – The ability to take some of the media attention off of him and his teammates instead of constantly doing things that attract even more negative attention.

Mark Cuban – Self-promotion skills. Seriously, have you ever met a more humble man?

Dick Bavetta – Gloves so that your hands don’t hurt as much from calling all of those technicals.

Michael Jordan – “How to Run an NBA Franchise for Dummies.” He seems to be reading Isaiah Thomas’ version right now, and it’s not working for him.

Antawn Jamison – The chance to team with LeBron James again and get as far away from Cleveland as possible.

Raymond Felton – Exactly what he is getting now – a chance to be himself and help run an offense in New York.

Blake Griffin – Early free agency so he can depart from the Clippers like every star who played there before him.

New Jersey Nets – An immediate move to Brooklyn so that they can start luring in some marquee free agents.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!!!

* Make sure to follow Kelley on Twitter, as he was named one of the Most 1,000 Influential Sports Writers on Twitter, @RobKelley24 




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